Write down my story

Time for some serious topic!

As I mentioned before, I'd also like this blog to be kinda of diary, so let me share what's been on my mind lately, and get these thoughts off my mind.

One of the reasons I started this blog was because I love writing! Maybe I should be a temp secretary like in the 60's? I could be like Audrey Hepburn in Paris When It Sizzles. Work for writers and screenwriters who are lazy to type up their works. 

It's another reason why I like keeping a diary, because I love writing down thoughts and enjoy the process of writing them. 

Yes, I love writing, but it doesn't mean I'm good at it in order to make it my thing. I always thought about working in a magazine (fashion one please) but I know that I'm not at that level! I've took few writing classes in uni, and know my abilities and saw how much better others were. So the best I can do here, is to keep it as my hobby.

I don't even know how to write, let's say, professionally! I don't have my own style of writing and that gut instinct for it. It also relates to that I often think that I'm not good at anything, just don't have any "strengths" or that one thing that I do the best. Seems like I can do a few things good, but not to the max and it's not something that comes naturally.

Then I start thinking that I'm worthless and that I can't do anything right and don't even have at least one thing that I'm passionate about, like other people seem to have.

Then I talk myself to "oh, come on, everyone has that something that makes them so unique and and that time will come and you'll find it". But it doesn't seem to be happening, so thoughts about how miserable and worthless I am flood my mind all over again. See, I ended up in this terrible circle of uncertainty and it doesn't get any better.

Everyone keeps telling (or said so before), that they are/were in an exact same position. So why don't  you write a guide for us, those who struggle too?! And not the "oh, it'll be fine, just work on it and try different things" one, but the real one, that even tells you how to act in order to cope with different kinds of situations. 

It also relates to that "Being 20 (and over)" thing. I just hate to think that life will get even harder in the future! Sometimes I get so desperate I start wishing to be 5 years old again! 

Everyone expects me to act like an adult, but I'm even scared to think about those problems! 

When I was little, I always wished to grow up because thought life will be easier... Oh, how wrong I was!!